Willow in Winter

I was so tired in December that I never reviewed my 2021, and now it’s too late to write one. And honestly, 2021 was so similar to 2020 that I struggled to differentiate them. We had a deadly virus in both years even if the variant names changed and we had lockdowns, people refused to wear masks or get vaccinated because why have common sense? I read a lot and spent too much time indoors working from home. Same year!

So I’ve decided to focus my energy on 2022 in a desperate belief that this year will be different. Even if the world isn’t, I know I want to be different this year as that’s all I can control. This isn’t a New Year resolutions post, I’m also too late for that. This post is more of a personal list of what I’ve started doing this year and what I’m leaving behind.

What I’m starting in January

Hot pod yoga classes – Normal yoga isn’t enough. Why not suffer in a tiny pod with an insane temperature of 37°C? I go every week, and I sweat so much it’s disgusting, but I feel way better after and with an energy I haven’t felt in years. I even bought my own yoga mat after discovering I had left the first class with the smell of someone’s feet on my face. Not even my feet, but someone else’s who’d used the mat before me.

Paying more attention to my body – It turns out that even though the past two years feel the same, my body, MY FACE, is actually ageing which I think it’s so rude considering I’m only 27. But I fell for the marketing and started using facial creams for the first time. I bought a night cream and an eye cream that I apply morning and evening from Facetheory, but it’s still too early to say if they’re helping with my early sign of wrinkles.

Using my cooking books – I love collecting cooking books that collect dust on my kitchen counter, it’s a passion of mine. However, by late December, I had a revelation of “what if I actually used them?” Huh. So now, every week, I select a few recipes to try out and go to my local M&S to buy all the ingredients, and I spend the weekends cooking new recipes. It turns out I love doing that, and cooking books are fun. Who knew?

Reading practical non-fiction – I started the year reading about my super fun condition, social anxiety, with the book We’re All Mad Here by Claire Eastham, followed by an in-depth analysis of introverts, in Quiet by Susan Cain. I want to learn more about things that affect me and, who knows, maybe even find some tips on how to improve my fragile introvert character. I also want to read more about things that interest me, like climate change, mental health and the online world.

Jogging – I want to be one of those people who run for fun. I want the confidence to go out running in my neighbourhood, I’ve wanted to do this for years, and I think 2022 is just the right time for this. I’m starting easy, walking really fast for the first five to ten minutes and then running for three, walking for two, running for three, and so on. I can commit to once a week, ideally, it’d be three, but we’re starting slow here.

What I’m leaving behind

Embroidering – I’m heartbroken to say that I’m tired of doing embroideries, and I don’t know why. I spent two years collecting colourful threads and different off white fabrics. I have a gigantic collection of hoops on my wall, but I cannot finish a new embroidery for the life of me. I have the winter Craftpod project on my coffee table that I can’t finish. I’m tired and bored, but sitting at home embroidering reminds me too much of lockdown, so for now, I’m taking a break.

Social media – I’m not abandoning social media because it’s 2022, and you can’t really just walk away from the internet if you want to keep in touch with what’s going on in the world, but I am spending less time on apps that were hurting my self-esteem like Instagram and Pinterest. There’s no need for me to feel bad about myself while I drink my tea at 8 am before work, just because I opened Instagram and I’m instantly reminded of what I don’t look like and what I don’t have.

Self-doubt – I wish this one was easy, but it’s hard to let go of all the negative thoughts that follow me around. But I’m trying to stop comparing myself to everyone else and destroying whatever confidence I have left every time I embarrass myself in public for being so shy.

Buying stuff I don’t need – I might’ve already broken this rule with the face creams, but it was January 2nd, and the elevator light in my flat decided to show me what my bare face looks like at 8 am, and it wasn’t pretty, so I bought some stuff. But from now on, I’m not buying anything unless I know for a fact that I need it and will use it. So no more buying trendy clothes, monthly subscriptions or cute objects from Typo that I can’t fit anywhere in my tiny flat. NO MORE.

I’m writing this post in my pyjamas while it rains outside, and I’m drinking my second cup of tea. It’s freezing and snowing everywhere, but my town, of course, so so far, 2022 feels a lot like 2021. Still, I’m wearing a new set of fluffy pyjamas my mum bought me for Christmas, I went to yoga in the morning, and I cooked a delicious broccoli soup for lunch that I never would’ve bothered to try last year, so some things already feel different.

I’m having surgery this year in just a few months, and I don’t know how long the recovery phase will be. I have no idea of how bad I will feel or how long it will take for me to feel like myself again, so for now, I’m trying to plan things I can control, and my plans are only week to week because my future looks pretty terrifying. I don’t know what 2022 will be like, I just hope it’s more exciting than last year and that I get to do more things this time.